31 Lessons on Living as a Kick Ass Modern Woman it took me 31 Years to Figure Out

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IMG_3362Friday, I finally got around to spilling the beans on my personal life and telling you what’s going on with my divorce. In the abstract, I’m not getting divorced to travel, but once I realized that I needed to leave, travel seemed like the only answer.  But…real life doesn’t mean you get to wave a magic wand and just be doing what you want to be doing, so I’m in save-and-plan mode while I work towards my ultimate dream of working and traveling full-time.


Over the past few years, I’ve been making so many personal and life changes, and there are a lot of things I’ve learned the hard way that I want to share.

  1. If there’s something that you want to do so badly you think about it every single day, you should figure out how to do that thing.
  2. If that thing is impossible, or seems impossible, break out what elements you like about it and figure out another way to do those.
  3. Don’t make life choices just because they are easy.
  4. There are lots of things that will make you almost happy, but not actually happy.
  5. It’s really hard to give up things that make you almost happy, but you have to if they keep you from getting to real happiness.
  6. Don’t put your self-worth in the hands of someone else.
  7. Don’t measure yourself against some else’s standards, especially if meeting those standards doesn’t get you to your real goals.
  8. Don’t turn lovers into boyfriends.
  9. Don’t turn friends into boyfriends.
  10. If a guy cancels twice in a row, he doesn’t get a third chance.
  11. If you aren’t living a life that gets you to your goals, adding a relationship into the mix is unlikely to help you get there.
  12. Identify what things and people you love the most in life, and prioritize them.
  13. Having it all is probably a myth. Some women get a great career, great relationship, great family, and a rewarding personal life.  But it’s way rarer and way more work than then tell you.  Figure out what the most important pieces are to you and prioritize those.  Your choices may be different than other women.  That’s okay.
  14. Support other women–even if their choices are different than yours.
  15. Don’t let go of your real friends.
  16. Make time to play with animals.
  17. Make time to be in nature, even if you’re a city person.
  18. Finishing a good book is magic.
  19. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for liking reality tv.
  20. Don’t hold on to belongings that don’t serve their intended function.
  21. There are two kinds of people: Disney People and Non-Disney People. Bite your tongue around the other kind of people.
  22. If there’s something you really, really hate doing, don’t feel bad if you decide to pay someone else to do it.
  23. The folks at my cleaning service are my favorite people (see #22).
  24. Travel, men, and food are my favorite things in the world.  I refuse to feel bad about that.
  25. Every article on saving money will tell you to cancel cable.  Don’t do that if you love cable tv.  Find something else to cut instead.  Other people’s advice is just advice, but it won’t help you if it doesn’t work for you.
  26. Your mistakes helped you get to know what really matters to you.  Don’t regret them.
  27. Companies aren’t people.
  28. The world doesn’t always know how to handle independent women.  That’s not your problem. But, you may have to develop some special skills to keep this from getting in your way.  That’s not fair, but it’s real.
  29. Being a grown up is hard.  Don’t make it harder by making choices you know you can’t live with.
  30. Don’t make decisions about how you want to wear your hair based on someone else’s expectations.  It’s your own goddamn hair. You are the one who has to live with it.
  31. When a decision that seems big doesn’t seem scary, it’s the right decision.


  1. Wonderful advice especially numbers 14 and 28!

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